Is That All There Is?

Tales of Heartbreak and Disillusionment

After three decades of reading approximately 50-80 books a year (fairly easy to do when you work in libraries), I have now reached that sorry state where I can no longer recall the majority of what I have read. At this juncture, I have to wonder what the point of all that reading was. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody remembers that it fell, did it make a sound? I hold on to the hope that each book provided me with some new insight that, however slight, remains, even if I have forgotten the actual contents of the book. Or at the very least, that all that reading developed certain intellectual capacities within me that remain.

On the flip side, there are those books that made such a strong impression on me that I still recall bits and pieces of them to this day, as well as the identification I felt while reading them. A significant number of these titles fall into what I would call the “plucky woman embarks on an adventure, but things don’t go according to plan” genre. My appreciation for this type of story explains my love for television shows ranging from Lena Dunham’s Girls to Mike White’s Enlightened to The Fortunes and Misfortunes of Moll Flanders. The heroines of these tales have agency and, while they are often misguided, tend to succeed at whatever aims are under their control, but they are foiled by aspects of life that are outside of their dominion (most namely, relationships with other people, whether family, friends, bosses, co-workers, customers, band mates, comrades, or romantic partners, but also larger economic and sociopolitical forces).

Like those little musical gems that pop up on independent radio stations, my favorite books tend to go relatively unheralded. In the hopes they get played again, I have created a summer “mix tape” of unflinchingly honest stories. Although these tales contain a healthy dose of disillusionment, the intellect, humor, and perseverance of the narrators do not disappoint.

Albertine, Viv, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys. Albertine finds a brief period of salvation on the music scene. Problems with love and band members arise.

Viv Albertine.jpg/ Wikimedia Commons

Bag, Alice, Violence Girl: East L.A. Rage to Hollywood Stage, A Chicana Punk Story (memoir). A self-described “ugly daughter” with a difficult father finds community in the punk scene. Darkness eventually drives her away.

New Romantic photo shoot.jpg/ Wikemedia Commons

Carpenter, Novella, Gone Feral (memoir). Carpenter hopes to reconnect with her “frontiersman” father. Her father’s life has unraveled. Reconciliation does not go as planned.

KPL041514-0050 (13887611766).jpg/ Wikimedia Commons

Cunningham, Sophie, Geography (novel). Woman becomes enmeshed in a long-distance “hot and cold” relationship. Man never commits.

Daum, Meghan, The Quality of Life Report (novel). Woman moves from New York City to Prairie City. “Adjustment difficulties” follow.

Meghan Daum 2015.jpg/ Wikimedia Commons

Gilman, Susan Jane, Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven (memoir). Gilman sets out on a backpacking trip to China with a good friend. Friend exhibits signs of schizophrenia. Trip becomes harrowing.

Susan Jane Gilman.jpg/ Wikimedia Commons

Gornick, Vivian, Approaching Eye Level (memoir). Gornick enters the feminist movement in a spirit of optimism and camaraderie. The idealism and sense of community don’t last.

Vivian Gornick (2018) - version 2.jpg/ Wikimedia Commons

Jacobson, Lea. Bar Flower: My Decadently Destructive Days and Nights as a Tokyo Nightclub Hostess (memoir). Jacobson becomes a successful nightclub hostess in Japan. The work leads to depression and alcohol problems.

Kraus, Chris, Torpor (novel). Couple travels to Romania to adopt a child. Couple does not get baby.

Chris Kraus, Royal College of Art, 2015.png/ Wikimedia Commons

Laing, Olivia, The Lonely City (memoir). Laing moves to New York City. Finds herself isolated amongst millions of people.

Nelson, Blake, Dream School (novel). Girl gets into an elite East Coast college. The dream doesn’t last past sophomore year.

Odzer, Cleo, Goa Freaks: My Hippie Years in India (memoir). Odzer moves to the “hippie paradise” of Goa, India. Drug and legal problems ensue.

Solar-Tuttle, Rachel, Number 6 Fumbles (novel). A college student stops living up to the expectations placed upon her. Things go downhill.

Stein, Leigh, Self Care (novel). Woman starts a wellness business. Internal politics oust her.

Stewart, Lucretia, Making Love: A Romance (novel). Woman enters a horribly dysfunctional relationship. Remains scarred.

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Top image: Billie Holiday tenderly stormy weather clef.jpg/ Wikimedia Commons